2 year anniversary: 7 attitude to trade in to keep the marriage alive

Hi Everyone,

Today marks our 2 years marriage. It’s amazing how time flies when you are having fun. I can’t believe just 2 years ago we were exchanging vows! I can’t believe how lucky I am though, I know plenty of people who have struggled to find love (and keep it, but that’s another story). Some people try and date as many people as they can, others might look to doing a love spell (after reading these successful love spell stories here). However, I was just lucky enough to find the right one for me. Without the worry or stress that others have to deal with. Although I am getting older each year, I feel like there’s so much more things I want to learn and so much more to explore. I’ve always imagine myself being married and having my own home and being called Mrs. But life doesn’t always go as we planned.

Photo by: Andes Lo Photography

To be honest, the husband and I only had three months of “honeymoon” together living alone as a couple before we had to sacrifice not living alone anymore (when life throws you lemon, you just have to make the most out of it and make it work). We never lived together before marriage, so you can just imagine how much we, by “we” I mean “I” need to adjust to living with another person! It took a while to understand our roles in our relationship. Simple things like “who does the dishes” – “who cooks” or “who cleans the bathroom” needs to be pretty much lay out. After 2 years, we pretty got this down pat. We have established that I will never do:

1. mow the lawn
2. laundry
3. take out the garbage

I can do everything else, but those three things I’ve listed. I absolutely hate doing those chores! So thankfully, my husband is so understand he does those chores. He also adjusted to my:

1. Neat freak
2. OCD cleaning (I clean the kitchen floor every day with the best hardwood floor cleaning machine which is essential to my cleaning routine due to its efficiency and ease of use, entire house clean once a week, and get a cleaning company who offer professional home cleaning services in Denver in to do a thorough clean once a month)
3. put things back where they belong or I will stab you with something
4. when I ask you to do something, I don’t mean you do it 2 hours later. I mean like in the next 5-10 minutes
5. COASTER on my beloved vintage coffee table

I can’t even lie that we had nothing but sunshine and rainbows for the past 2 years. It was a huge adjustment living together. We were almost just getting used to each other when my dad moved in with us 3 months later, then it was another huge adjustment. The latter part took much much longer getting used to. Heck, I still have my moments of frustrations. But looking at the bright side – I learned how to cook 100% authentic Chinese food preeeetttyyyy quickly. This is coming from the girl who NEVER cooked in her life. Ever. Now I can make a pretty damn good meal in 30 mins. This will include the following

1. Rice
2. Some type of Chinese veggies
3. Some type of meat or fish
4. Chinese Soup

I’ve never googled so many “Chinese soup, Chinese chicken… anything Chinese related food” in my life, I even bought Chinese cookbooks! I still remember cooking my first “salty egg meal” You know when the egg comes in black? I actually put the entire “black egg” in the rice pot. Yes, you guessed it – the entire rice pot turned black. I had NO IDEA you were suppose to WASH the egg…..BEFORE you put it in the rice pot. I know like DUH. I’m telling you. Me. Never cooked in her life. Anyways, we ended up eating instant noodles for dinner that night.

So, with that being said. We are still married and I still want to grow old and experience more adventures with him. I depend on him more and more each day. I can’t imagine my life without him. I’m not one to get all sappy and emotional – this is the stubborn me talking. I hate showing weakness and well “lovey-dovey” Why else you think I still call my husband “husband” while the REST of the world calls their husband “hubby”.

It’s like me in Yoga – when they start of with the “OMMMMM” I’ve NEVER once did that. I know it’s been 8 years. I just refuse to do it. Yes I’m one stubborn child. Or when my homeboy forces me to say “good morning” while I’m grumpy as hell. I know – I’m trying! slowly…… I’m getting there!

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been really trying to trade in my current attitude for the following. After watching my friend go through a divorce, I decided to start appreciating my marriage more. My friend experienced a divorce after being with her partner for multiple years, however, they eventually decided to call it quits. They were able to seek professional guidance, which you can buy from Peters And May or other legal professionals in your area, to ensure that the divorce was done legally. After watching that, I’ve decided to start swapping some of my bad habits for some more appreciative ones. I came across this article by Monicas Wanson which really spoke to me. I hope you all enjoy the read as much as I do! This is my daily reminder for myself.

1. Bad attitude: Pride.

No matter how flawed your spouse may be, so are you. The minute you start thinking that you are better than your spouse, you are headed for trouble. I think we all agree: Pride is ugly.

Trade it in for: Humility.

An honest evaluation of you and your spouse will remedy pride. You are both imperfect humans, loved by God, with all of the potential in the world. Look for opportunities to build up your spouse, and walk in humility, and you’ll find yourself a lot happier in your marriage.
PS Other people will like you better too.

2. Bad attitude: Ungratefulness.

Focusing on what your spouse does not do, and overlooking all that he or she is doing well, is dangerous. Everyone wants to be appreciated, and an ungrateful attitude leaves a stench in the air.

Trade it in for: Gratitude.

Counting your blessings and appreciating everything your spouse does do, is a key to a happy marriage. A spouse that feels appreciated will usually bend over backwards to keep pleasing you. Be thankful for the big and the small things, and take time to tell your husband or wife how thankful you are.
{Speaking well of your spouse to others= big bonus points.}

3. Bad attitude: Irritation/annoyance.

Anyone we spend a lot of time with will eventually annoy us. Spouses will wear on one another. But really, it is our choice whether or not we let it get to us. We can choose to be irritated, or not. And really: Allowing yourself to be annoyed is a sign of your own immaturity.

Trade it in for: Enjoyment/acceptance.

Learn to laugh at the things that could annoy you. Try to enjoy the quirks and nuances that you see in your spouse. And for the ones that you cannot enjoy–learn to accept them, or just overlook them. (I bet you have a few of your own…)

4. Bad attitude: Unforgiveness.

Keeping a record of wrongs…holding on to grudges…None of it will do you a bit of good. There may be hurts in your marriage that take time to work through, but holding on to an offense is a choice you make. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, but it is true: Unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die.

Trade it in for: Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is choosing not to hold anything against your spouse. This may not remove all of the hurt or the memories, but it means you will not bring it up, or hold it against your spouse anymore. Forgiveness is a choice that will set you free and allow you to move on in your relationship.

5. Bad attitude: The Comparison Trap.

Do not give into the temptation to compare your spouse to someone else, or your marriage to other marriages. You don’t know the full story of anyone else’s situation, and you are likely to be deceived. The comparison trap is a huge temptation, but it can be very harmful on your marriage.

Trade it in for: Embracing What You Have.

Recognize that this is the one person that you get to share the rest of your life with, and embrace what you have. Identify yourself with your husband or wife, and focus on the beauty of your uniqueness as a couple.

6. Bad attitude: A critical Spirit.

If you are habitually critical of your spouse you are slowly tearing down your own marriage. If you’ve seen other people do this, you know how unattractive it is. So make the choice not to be critical.

Trade it in for: Looking for the good.

Look for the good in your spouse. Choose to find things to compliment, build up, appreciate, and magnify. There is good there if you are looking for it. This one shift in attitude can work wonders in a marriage.

7 Bad attitude: Selfishness.

This is the root of most of our problems, and one we probably all struggle with. If you can focus on one thing to change, this is a good one.

Trade it in for: Selflessness.

Try putting your spouse’s needs before your own. Serve your spouse with a sincere heart, and care about the things that concern him or her. This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, or neglect your own needs, but instead try to look for ways to bless your husband or wife with a secure and happy heart. It’s pretty amazing how when you consider your spouse first, you usually find yourself more fulfilled as well. This is the beauty of marriage.

Don’t ever forget you are dating your spouse. Life is short, make it fun and memorable. Happy 2 years!

Thanks so much for reading!